beccaelizabeth (beccaelizabeth) wrote,

My happy place has Starfury launch bays

I would like to be helpful

but I do not know how

and especially do not know what to say.

I mean things that have helped me include meditate, but there are many times when it is annoying to ask if someone likes to meditate. Like, it does not magic away all problems. Or many problems, really.

But it’s supposed to be a set of techniques for seeing what is going on with you. Like Resource Monitor but for the inside of your head? And if you get the hang of one of the pretty bits then you can make a nicer place in your head to hang out in.

So like guided visualisation isn’t going to fix actual housing problems, but it can make the inside of your head better decorated, maybe.

The meditation where you imagine transient thoughts as like cars going past on the road kind of freaks me out, honestly. Cars are scary and can decide to do stuff. I like better when thoughts are pretty clouds, floaty fluffy nothings. But either way, you can sit there and see what your brain is coming up with, and know that all those thoughts will pass, but you’re still there. And sometimes it’s like Oh Hi Horrible Anxiety, I see this is your turn to be active today. Have I done the thing? I very probably have done the thing! And am in the wrong town to check it. But sure, I can see that thought coming around again like it’s stuck on the freaking roundabout. ... huh, maybe some habit thoughts are just really bad at roundabouts... But they’re mostly pretty familiar by now and I mostly end up kind of bored of them even while also feeling horrible anxiety. It’s this trick my brain has developed with practice. It makes me find it more plausible that the think nice thoughts meditations are helpful, because brain habits have to start somewhere.

I like the think of your happy place sort of guided visualisation things, I just never like the specific ones people read out in stress workshops. My imagery does not click with theirs, usually. Or like they’ll choose symbols that seem all creepy to me, because my superstitions are weird.

I like designing spaceships. In my head. Or with RPG rules. Or kind of For Dummies physics books, though I didn’t read or remember much of that, I just wanted to figure out how spin gravity worked. But, spaceships. It’s like a big forcefield protected fortress that can travel, and you can bring whatever is important and leave out what you don’t want.

Also that ring thing where the ceiling is the floor further away and spinning can be really pretty. In my head. And like calm. World correct sized and under control.

I like the basic breathing meditations too, and like taking inventory of how much of me is trying to curl up in a ball right now, because body and breath and emotion are a feedback loop and it helps to notice when I’m leaning into it.

But building a happy place in my head is way prettier. And vaguely potentially useful as a writer too.

But then I don’t want to suggest it to other people because clearly it’s like a little paintbrush like for portraits, when you’re trying to get all the leaves from autumn tidied away sometimes. It’s not an everything sort of tool.

But it’s a nice place in your head when it works.

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Tags: mental health
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