beccaelizabeth (beccaelizabeth) wrote,

idle noodlings

After all the doing yesterday, today was mostly made of headache and cry.
which never gets less annoying.

I finished reading Temeraire through Victory of Eagles, the last one I own.
And then went and ordered the rest.

I love the way it starts with 'dragons who really love their captains' and then just plays through, shows variations on societies built around these two species, shows how some are really all kinds of abusive, and then has dragons set out to save themselves. It's doing the smart science fiction thing which is both defamiliarising regular inequalities of power like race, slavery, gender, marriage at the time, class, armed forces, but also just taking this one solid What If and applying logic. The cool dragon powers are fun as well, especially once all the battle strategy and tactics starts getting intricate, but the social stuff is really interesting.

It do get a bit tense around race and old racist tropes, and the ways dragons are fitted around them. I think it's doing okay, but, showing the whole world makes a whole world of ways to get wobbly.

And I miss the intensity of payoff I get from the yearning-having cycle in fanfic. Lots of things get paid off for Temeraire, but it's just that bit more distant, and changes scene just where fanfic would start getting detailed. Many courses, no dessert.

But they're good books. Inventive and interesting.

And now I have to wait at least until next week for book delivery, because the shops didn't have them yesterday.

Today I also watched a cartoon about a princess from a bamboo shoot. It was miserable. She spent a short life trying to be princess enough to please her father, who thought heaven had told him to make her a princess, so she was unhappy from trying and he thought princess was the only way for her to be happy and made her try harder. She got a reputation for being beautiful even though nobody is allowed to look at princesses. And then her suitors flattered her with comparisons to impossible things, so she said okay then go bring me those for presents. And they went and tried, but some paid for fakes, and some tried giving her flowers and trying to get her to run away with them instead, which her mum was having none of and asked him how many girls he'd tried that on and then left them to have to be nuns to make up for it, and one dumped his wife and set out to fight dragons but then discovered dragons are big and scary forces of nature and just epic failed, and the last one broke his neck trying to grab stuff from birds nest and just killing eggs instead. So all the suitors failed. And then like the king or something decided she must be super awesome, again without seeing her, and he just went in and ignored her privacy and grabbed her? It was really distressing even though all he did was hug her from behind. It was just so jarring compared to how people were treating each other. He turned up and said nobody can refuse him and grabbed her. But then he was left holding only her outermost robe because her magic woke up and let her slip away. But then because her magic woke up when she wanted so bad to be away from him the moon people came to get her to bring her home. And she didn't want to go. So she tried running to her childhood home but the guy she remembered from there had a kid now but they had a dream sequence of running away together anyway, which I didn't think was nice. But it didn't work anyway. She had to go back to the moon even when she really didn't want to at all. And they made her forget everything.

So it was just a whole fairy tale about how life is short and miserable and everyone makes each other miserable while trying to make each other happy.

So that wasn't fun.

And I still haven't plugged my new recorder box in, because i need to read the instructions, and to do that i need my brain working, and for that i need no headache and to not be made of cry.


I keep thinking of fiction from the tv and going over it all time travel au fixit, and getting looped on how much needs fixing, and just how wrong in the philosophy so much of it is. like i start out watching these bright colorful stories where evil can be successfully punched once an hour, and end up quite distressed that all these people are getting punched and nobody ends up fixing things by making friends and doing good instead. so i need to watch different fiction. but i try and i keep not finding quite the thing. and going back to the punching, where imperfectly small pieces get stopped, and the systemic problems remain.

i should do more writing my own stuff but today is not that day.

i'm fed up of time travel and alternate universes though because they're just brain traps for going back over everything trying to figure where to do it different to make things perfect. and if alternate universe you did it all perfect then they wouldn't be uou. and then i get depressed about comparing myself to me from an alternate universe. which i'm pretty sure is no sort of helpful.

I need more good days and interesting achievements
even if it does mean weathering more of the rebound days after.

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