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Wednesday, November 25th, 2015
4:36 pm
also, music is a bit boring
I tried playing music out of the old piano stool collection, and so far it is a bit boring.
Like, any of this stuff, I could hear much better stuff with a couple of clicks.
And it's a little fun to be able to make it make the music one note at a time, but I'm not feeling a particular urge to make new music, or even to practice what I've got until it's a bit less rubbish.

Probably I'm not going to miss it when I send it away.

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4:30 pm
I watched the Angel episode with the zombie cops
and now I kind of just want to cry
because how is zombie cops the escapist version?
Like, if it was one bad man with a zombie statue, well hey, fixed it.
But nope.

There's other stuff to say about it, like the tendency of TV to explain race stuff by being all 'but what if to a white man', and how it's Angel to the rescue because somehow it can't be black people or a woman even though they started investigating it, and how the writers epic inability to write Gunn in his own context turns into this thing where Gunn leaves his whole community behind just to sit in an office and have nothing to do...

this is pretty depressing, really.
but the big problem is
why, 14 years later, does this not look dated all to hell?

could racism just stop making sense?
like, the stories don't even make sense any more, stuff moves on and it's too weird to think of?

any time now...

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Tuesday, November 24th, 2015
4:27 pm
Music is hard.
I am equally bad at about half the carols in the christmas carols book.
... I should probably practice the reading the music books before I try that again, I'm kind of guessing what the notes are quite a lot.

Earlier me crossed one of them out and wrote 'NO GOOD' on it. I played it to find out why and agree with earlier me. That's not a carol. That's a bit rubbish. No good.

It's a bit fun though.

But my neighbour made walking around noises whenever I forgot to keep my foot on the quiet pedal, so probably I should stick to daylight hours, which are not exactly in abundant supply of late.

I definitely want the space more than I want the piano.

But I might get a little keyboard and play little musics.

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2:12 pm
Going pretty good
Today was cleaner day and things are now clean. Yaay.
I phoned the landlord to report the front door was stuck because the cleaner said so. Now I'm fussing I should maybe have gone myself and checked it. But I can hear other people getting annoyed at its stuckness so that's probably not necessary.

I sorted through the music in the piano stool, found some things that are not music and some work that belonged to me or my brother, and dug out the Christmas Carols book. I can now play four carols! Badly. Super badly. I think I was better age 8. Actually I'm sure I was, on account of rolled up newspapers. But the point is, I made the music thing make music with my hands and my brain. I can't exactly read the music very good, but earlier me wrote the names of the notes on some of them so that was very helpful.

I'm not thinking I actually want to play the piano for funs. I still want to send it away because my front room has no space and I want the space back. But if I had an extra room to just leave the piano in I'd probably do that and then play something once a year and think hmmm maybe.

Even if I want to play music though I should get something that can use headphones. They can be quite impressively musical now. And my neighbours would like it much better.

Also, history suggests I do not want to play music.

Also also, the piano stool that was perfectly reasonable when I was 8 is no longer the right size, obviously, and my back doesn't quite like it.

I shall have to sort the piano stool contents into things to keep and things to send with the piano. Some of it is music for clarinet or guitar, which obviously doesn't go with the piano but I don't need no more neither. Some of what is in there is guitar strings from at least the 80s and possibly the 60s. There's music for how to play Beatles songs. Dad music. It's weird.

Also there's a newspaper with a picture of me on it. Teenager me looked like me only different. That's weird too.

Time. Go figure.

I mean we take it as normal but normal is never being quite the same as you were yesterday which just seems pretty strange to me.

I still need to do the vacuum cleaning (and actually still intend to this week) but I might see if I can mangle some more christmas carols first.

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Sunday, November 22nd, 2015
5:47 pm
Sunday functioned correctly
Many of my joints have decided to pain, which is annoying, but mum and brother helped with the shopping trolley and bag and things got bought correctly anyway.

We had a lunch (my beans were mostly not beans, they were a dozen beans in a lot of sauce, it was not optimal), and we did a shopping (the cakes person remembered to look for my cakes without me doing words), and I bought a duvet because last night was cold even with my blankets. I like blankets because they wash every week but cold is cold.

Then my brother did visit and we watched Quantum of Solace. It's still a bit boring but it passes the time. He watched Spectre already and then again yesterday, so that works out. Next time we shall watch Skyfall. Which I also didn't like best, but since we've already watched all the Marvel movies unless we start again at the beginning we're on not-best for a while.

Pretty good useful day.

Weather is not so good. But there was a rainbow while we were out so that was pretty cool.

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Saturday, November 21st, 2015
9:09 pm
Doctor Who
I have no feelings about that episode one way or another.
It seems weirdly empty, filler ish, considering.

Also they missed a perfect chance to have a trans character, and managed to be mildly rude instead.

There should have been more feels.
I mean, Read more...Collapse )

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Thursday, November 19th, 2015
12:32 am
Someone at teh science fiction group pulled that 'in the future there will be no disability' bullshit
because cures! cures for everyone!
and he said government would mandate it because they wouldn't look after disabled people any more, and wouldn't let children be born less than perfect, so I think he was going dystopic
but still
I got sweary
because no
hell no

And now I feel all 'fight me' and like I can't stop having the argument
and yet there's only me here.

if anyone wins this argument in RL I cease to be, so, you know, fight
but they currently cannot, so it's not even, and definitely not right now.

But still.

In the future, disability, disability everywhere, because nobody will fucking care if you're different, everyone different, all the ways.



... also this combines poorly with my usual post talking feel like an idiot omg was I rude
because yeah, I was rude
but fight me.

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Wednesday, November 18th, 2015
11:04 pm
I win at social
went to the social group
then went to the science fiction group

there was another bunch of people in our basement so we ended up upstairs, but that is warmer, just with background music and people noise. Much less people noise than there was for the first hour in the basement though. The seats were actually full. Nobody could hear. Noisy.

It was theoretical topic Doctor Who and we talked some about recent episodes. Or, rather, mostly complained. I don't want to be That Fan but I didn't start it.

That was some good talking.

Also I went to the library and reserved the next volume in A Song of Ice and Fire, and gave away the first 3. Well, four, but labelled 3. ... I want to know what happens next, I don't want to keep them.

I got 3 books out but now I can't remember which 3. They'll probably be interesting. And if they're not, they go back quicker.

I still have bunches of reading in this other fantasy epic series I'm getting through. I'm a bit bored of how the same girl gets kidnapped in every book. They get her back at the end, but then she gets gone again. It's tedious.

Today was pretty good going places though

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Tuesday, November 17th, 2015
8:49 pm
I watched the Angel episode Darla.

I'd say something about Lindsey but mostly I'm just watching him very closely and wondering if it's <3 or more like barn owls with movement. Boy is fascinating. And not quite right, even when he tries. Which is seldom.

He's one of the ones I try and rewrite in my head. Probably because pretty. But also because he's just so close sometimes, and then...

Most interesting in this episode is how it's the flip side of what we've seen already with Buffy. Fool for Love was originally on before this, so the flip, it is immediate. And Spike looks such an idiot from this angle, not least because self centered and self aggrandising. But who isn't, telling their greatest hits? Spike and Dru are their own little universe of two, not even noticing what's up with Angelus. And Angel... Angel makes sense, trying to get back to what he always knew, trying to get what he wanted with maybe the minimum guilt. It's a war anyway so hey, murderers everywhere, soup's on. But it don't half fuzzy up the Angel/us divide, because you can't argue that Angelus is the murderer, not from here on out.

This episode feels intricate, like you could turn it over for ages and find new details.

The way Angel treats Lindsey stands out. Hanging the guy just for information? What's he done that Angel knows of, to deserve that? Well be in Angel's way. And I like how he was phoning Angel anyway. Gave Angel pause. But then he threatens to come back anyway, because what, feels like it?

I'm not saying Lindsey's any in the right just because Angel's in the wrong, but he's pretty clearly wrong side right there.

Lindsey and Darla is twisty interesting. Lindsey's the one pointing out Angel would never take advantage of her in that state, right after Lindsey's all over her. So she's something to him, something important, enough he don't mind her biting, and he takes risks with his employer who shoots people in the head. But, in his own mind, he's exploiting her. Could be straight up lust, but there's something twistier to my mind, something that ties in to how Angel is with her, how she's trying to be with him. When you care about someone you care about who you are to them, who you can be. He knows he's no white knight, but here's this lady he called back to life, saved in a way, and this is the one he latches on to.

He tries, sometimes, so hard.

And then.

And then I go right back to shallow again, and notice that this show? Exceptionally pretty people.

Pretty gets away with stuff it shouldn't ought.

This arc.


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6:32 pm
Paperwork redistribution achieved
It's not sorted any better than it was in the plastic drawers, but, four plastic drawers of random paper have been relocated to one drawer full of hanging files.

The new filing cabinet rocks a bit if you pull all the drawers out at once but is basically stable. Especially without the wheels on. So that's okay.

I have a bunch more stuff to throw away, a few more things to give away (blank paper books I just haven't used in many many years), and a stack of mystery things that still need sorting through. Plus a box for a camera I'm pretty sure I don't own any more. but I'll have to go through the discs to see if they're driver or data.

That's some pretty good sorting, that is.


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2:34 pm
I went to the office supply shop with my brother to get birthday gifts for him.
... it's like 300m up the street and another 300m back, but I feel like I did a Birthday Expedition. My world got small lately :eyeroll:

My brother got paper and pens and a green box file and a blank book with Superman on the cover.

I got hanging files for him filing cabinet.
When I put them in they don't quite whizz back and forth, they're kind of scraping against the front of the drawer. For £125 of cabinet I kind of expected they'd be whizzier. The hanging files might be of slightly different type than they expect though. And either way they work. So.
I just spent a couple hours re sorting the contents of the plastic drawers into a hanging file. Not several hanging files, though that obviously is one of the next stages. One hanging file. Because some of this stuff I plain don't need, some of it needs to be in with the college stuff ready for long term box archiving, and some of it was christmas cards so they go in a different box again.

How long do you need to keep paperworks? I kind of figure if I paid all the bills and it's a two year old bill I do not need it any more. But it's in a stack so I can run this idea past mum before getting rid of anything.

There's also a bunch of torn out pages from magazines and catalogues from before before. Probably some of those I don't need to keep neither.

Sorting and tidying is difficult yet satisfying.
... but does tend to lead to a tidy room having 5 different piles of stuff and things around it.

Oh well.

Also Cleaner Day happened while I was tidying, but I cannot vacuum because floor of paper piles.

That I should fix by end of day.


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9:47 am
Dreams: Two different bio horrors (thanks subconscious)
Last night's dreams were firmly into nightmare territory in subject matter, and very squishy biology horror.

The first one was a Stargate variant (complete with Sam Carter and Daniel Jackson). Read more...Collapse )

So then I died out of the dream and woke up.

... I'll write up the second one later, I'm going to get office supplies now.

Second dream was a dystopia / failed-to-us utopia where they maximised the number of persons on the planet by using the same bodies for several personalities by shifts. And that wasn't the horror part.

But that'll keep.

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Monday, November 16th, 2015
12:55 pm
Different sorts of power
This morning's dream involved me as a mage having made a really unwise deal with a demon, so I was powered up but being gradually morally corrupted, couldn't use my most powerful magics for any good purpose, and was physically addicted to spellcasting. The standard GURPS dark magic deal.

I had to stop a balcony from falling for long enough for everyone to run away. Reached for the magic, could only find tiny bits of magic left, just barely held the thing for a few moments, then had to go blow the electricity and set the sprinklers off uncontrollably just to be destructive enough it stopped hurting.

Had to admit that trying to save people when it was that unlikely was pure faith, hope and love. Someone said they loved me for it. Then had to admit it made me nauseous to use the L word.

Seems like a pretty stupid way to power up.

Turns out that when I was a young mage I could call up a whole bunch of angels, only I didn't usually have anything for them to do. Like, here, heavenly host, I just... blew this whistle... because I can... er, this is embarrassing... So then people yelled at me for wasting their time and I stopped doing that. Lots of yelling about how god helps those who help themselves and I should be self sufficient and independent. Which I ended up believing. And eventually I needed to do a thing that was bigger than I had the power for right then so I did a deal with the dark, because the dark says it gives you the power, that seems like independent. But then with all the constraints on using it, no, nope, no it is not, that's pretty much puppety but you're tying on the strings.

So after the thing with the balcony and realising how screwed I was I got to the next big huge challenge, which happened pretty quickly because dark stirs things up so its near-puppets need to do more stuff more quickly to keep the pressure on until they fall, and this time I thought, okay, am screwed, cannot do, this seems like an actual opportune time to call for help.

So I did the whistle thing and called a whole host of angels, and they got stuff done.

But they didn't just stop with the fighty parts or the grand stuff, they fixed every problem I could see. Every little thing. Hungry person? Angel! Slightly unhappy child? Angel! Went through everything and fixed everything great and small. And then, somewhat to my surprise, fixed me. Pulled the dark stuff out so I had some options again. Got filled up with nice shiny instead of dark, set back to as powerful as I was to start with, no more physical symptoms.

And then they left and went home and left the rest up to me.

So I could have done the deal again, if I felt the need, but I could also call them again, any time. And I realised, the first time I called, I said there was nothing for them to do, and felt bad about it. They made disappoint face. You do not want to disappoint angels. But what I realised was that wasn't because I called them, it was because I couldn't see anything that needed fixing. Compassion fail, because there's always something. They were disappoint because I only got as far as thinking what they could do for me, and that was pretty small of me.

But all that practice doing bad stuff with magic and feeling kind of sick when I needed it to help someone, that had like the opposite effect to what the demons intended, because I just got frustrate whenever there was something the power couldn't do, and I got a pretty good map of stuff that needed doing and would piss off demons.

So with that new viewpoint, I could see tons for angels to do, and I had learned real good that I couldn't do it all on my own.

Compassion teamwork for the win.

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Sunday, November 15th, 2015
7:36 pm
In defence of all those paragraphs about clothing: a cultural studies view
Okay, that's a long title and I haven't got much to go under it, but

I just scrolled past another thing complaining about fics/fiction that spends paragraphs describing everyone's clothes, as if they're important.

Read more...Collapse )

Clothes are there like they're important because they are in fact important.

So if the story stops to tell you who wears what, pay attention like there's guns on the mantelpiece, because in some way or another, mood or allegiance or predictions, this data is going to pay off.

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7:02 pm
Sunday happened with breakfast foods at Morrisons and shopping that is probably what I set out to get and then going home and watching a film with my brother.

Sunday works pretty good, I think.

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Saturday, November 14th, 2015
8:59 pm
Doctor Who: Sleep No More
So now I'm bored and nauseous.
Epic motion sickness was not really something Doctor Who particularly needed.
And that was such a Gatiss story I'm not going to bother complaining about it.

Blah. Total blah.

And blergh. I really am feeling very ill of the shaky cam now.

ETA Two hours later:

Still feel sick and wobbly, also have headache of woe.
If you're at all likely to react this way to shaky cam, this episode is not worth it.

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Thursday, November 12th, 2015
7:19 pm
John Lewis delivery drivers are proper fancy.
They take the box away for you and put things the proper way up.

So, now I have a filing cabinet.

... I do not currently have any fancy hanging files to put in the hanging files bit of the filing cabinet, but I have a filing cabinet.

It is oak and white and matches both sets of thing I'm buying on purpose.
And it fits under the desk without its wheels on.
I was going to put its wheels on but it slides around on the carpet so easy I have thus far just slid it under the desk and put the wheels in it instead.

Filing Cabinet. Proper furniture shaped furniture.
... aaand now I'm wondering if I liked the other furniture more better. *sigh*
I have this furniture now. I liked it because it fits under the desk I'm planning to get if space ever permits. So this is the right one to get.

And. Filing cabinet.

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6:49 pm
My piano makes piano noises now.

Mum visited to see it. Or, well, hear it, also.

Now I have to decide what times of day are acceptable to make piano noises.
I am currently thinking daylight is required.

Of course what I'm mostly hoping now is that my relative who someone thought maybe might want the thing does in fact want the thing and then I can have rather a lot of my front room back.

But either way, the piano makes music noise now
which is an improvement.

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2:51 pm
And another thing I don't like about epic fantasy
I'm reading a series of books where a bunch of teenagers set off and do Epic Quests and probably end up gods or something I don't know I'm only on book 3.

I'm not a big fan of Teenagers Better Than Everyone as a genre concept. I mean, I realise teenagers are going to be a big fan, I'm sure it sells well, but, have you met teenagers?

But every now and then it also bumps along mentioning how old the olds are, who are super old, like, they're probably nearly 40, that's ever so old.

... I don't know which bits of history it's mashing together, but, it's wrong. I'm just, ugh, no, nope. And not just because of my age. Life expectancy at birth is a really depressing graph that might hover around 40 for much of history, but that's super misleading. Once you strip out infant mortality, you can expect to make it to your 60s in most eras, as far as I can find out, which admittedly involves like three google results.

... okay, not my area of expertise, and data is shaky.

But they don't seem to have thought through their demographics at all. The whole village has like 4 young people in it, all the same age. Is it meant to be a comment on the region dying off or did they just invent heroes and their parents and go 'and there's a village' and move on? I don't think there's been a single child between infancy and mid teens. I realise they're probably not relevant to the plot but they generally tend to exist. I mean if you're having all your nobles lined up and terrible things done to them, this will involve a greater age range than seemed evident.

I should do proper studying of history some more. Especially if I'm going to complain about other people's writing. I should have sources to cite and stuff.

... but mostly, it just winds me up when the whole Teen Heroes genre makes them heroic by making everyone else useless, old, and dead. Up your game. Make them special in a crowd even.

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1:24 pm
My piano is tuned now :-)
Piano fixing is hard. There's bits of piano to remove and then lots of bending and twisting to make the keys and the insides do the things at once. And it makes a lot of noise, which starts out as not-good noise.

My piano makes a music now instead of a noise. Win :-)

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