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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beccaelizabeth's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 25th, 2016
11:18 am
Today is going so well
woke up
stared at ceiling
eventually got up

made a breakfast
sat at computer to read the internet
needed to type
put down breakfast where I usually have my trackball
... washed hand

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Tuesday, May 24th, 2016
6:15 pm
I woke up after like four hours of sleep today so after the cleaner had gone I went back asleep
and had the most glorious dream

Howard Stark and I had found the Stargate, and I don't know which way the time travel went but we were with Jack O'Neill, running away from something. Howard was confident and chattering a mile a minute while his hands worked, not really paying attention to the rest of us. I was wearing mostly a fluffy blanket, of inconvenient size, and getting increasingly disgruntled. Jack kept on looking.

We stopped for a while in the sunshine and I left the others to it and stretched out on the grass.

Jack sat beside me, put his hand on my neck where the blanket had slipped down to reveal skin, and started to
get all the knots out of my back.

Best dream all month by far.

Meanwhile in the real world I woke up with my shoulder still hurting from where I apparently did something in my sleep.


I mightily look forward to actually using my new mattress.
I mean I don't know if that will fix things but I'll at least have tried.

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Monday, May 23rd, 2016
8:44 pm
Is kind of annoying to hear an audio and then hear the extras where they're all proud they did their research and really listened to the rhythms of Sioux speech in old recordings and
I'm just sitting there thinking they could
voice actor.

Except it's Big Finish and their budget is ... well, impressive for audio, given that they have plural actors in a story and they're still here making them a couple hundred audios in the main range later. But not impressive.

Representation in big budget Hollywood is easy argue, they have all the money, they should use it appropriately. The smaller the budget gets the more it seems somewhat futile to point out. And yet, going around using bits of people's cultures, including sacred rituals, to make a silly science fiction adventure, could be sort of a Thing.

Enjoyment of that particular Doctor Who adventure got tangled in vague grumpy.

Wasn't particularly impressed anyway, didn't seem to have a very strong character basis or tie the characters and their fates into the plot or really unify the theme. It would have been very much the same with any Doctor and Companion team.

Says I feeling grumpy.

I spent the day trying to think of something useful to do and ended up listening to Doctor Who because I'd tried staring at the ceiling for quite long enough already. Possibly I was not in the best mood to give it my full attention. So I'll leave the name off and just grump vaguely instead.

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Sunday, May 22nd, 2016
8:12 pm
sideways dreams
I dozed off this afternoon and dreamt stuff that was perfectly plausible and even contained an explanation for why I wouldn't remember it most of the time and yet I'm reasonably certain did not in fact happen.
I did not have a dog, even a small one. It's not just that, if I had a dog and it isn't here now, something sad must have happened, I really didn't have a dog, ever, because of not liking dogs, and also I wouldn't have that dog anyway because squished face breeds are just rude to make, dogs like breathing.
I didn't have a cat either, even a kitten one, and nobody did anything bad to the cat because there wasn't a cat.
So then I kept waking up trying to filter out the junk data.
least restful sleep.

I mean yeah dreaming of things eating me is pretty unrestful too, but I can put that away as soon as wake up. all this remembering I forgot owning a sofa is right tangly.

Today did not involve going to the shops because mum arranged something else to happen then instead. Is annoying. No big though, I own many things to eat and can choose them.

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Friday, May 20th, 2016
8:44 pm
Today I did Take Away Day the difficult way, by going to the shop on my feet Outside.
I am very much out of practice and I don't think it's a good idea because of zoning out while cars keep happening. Not awesome.
But take away is still good eating.

I watched some more history documentaries, and I realised I am increasingly annoyed at the gaps. Not talking about women is one variety of annoying, and I just watched a couple episodes by a woman that mostly didn't talk about women. But also not talking about slaves. There's a lot of mention of 'the glory that was Rome' but not much mention of the horror that was slavery. There's a lot of disagreement but the low end estimate a quick google turned up was 10% of the empire, and 30% of actual Italy. If you're talking about the glory of Rome while leaving out the free women and the slaves then you're talking about the glory of an oppressive third of the core population, which is ridiculous. And then when I was poking around about slaves and agriculture I read that slavery in Britain only stopped with the Norman conquest, when it was pretty much replaced by serfs, who aren't slaves because laws apply but aren't exactly free neither because they have to stay with the land they belong to. And of course later slavery happened, but with different wording and a lot more continents. All these military conquests and big architectural statements and huge great statues were possible because of economic underpinnings that rested on slavery or unfree labourers. The story doesn't make sense if you just make it about the generals, they wouldn't have anything to eat.

But I need to read a different sort of history than I've been finding so far, because not often mentioning this stuff, so I don't know how true any of the stuff I 'know' is anyway. Very frustrating.

I know the only thing I'm going to do with this data is worldbuilding for fantasy but it's still interesting to know.

And not mentioning bits leaves a wrong model of how humans work. I mean, it was never just about who had the most shiny knights and all that, it was a grand interlocking story of labour costs and availability and land under agriculture and yields and mining and transport and trade routes and EVERYthing. Only telling the fighty parts is wrongness.

... and I've played enough Settlers to be pretty sure about that.
... modern learning comes from odd places.

I'm frustrated by biased partial pictures but I haven't halfway enough learnings to do big picture versions. And then I get too frustrate and give up for a while. Not helpful.

Oh well. The great thing about the modern era is there's always more to read, if I can figure out where to even start.

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Thursday, May 19th, 2016
7:41 pm
dangerous spell books, continued...
okay, so, just found one that does have zombie spells.
as part of a section on protection from zombies, but, it do describe how they're made.
also there are death spells.

... I know I presumably at some point bought the thing, no idea what I was thinking, but whose idea is it to publish it?

To be fair it does say a couple times it recommends you do not use the spells, but come on, they've met humans.

there's a whole section of names of demons and how to summon them and what they'll teach you
which is vastly unwise
and then there's a section on angels where you think 'ah, angels, much safer' and then you read what they actually do according to this book and no, no, not safer in the slightest.

Nasty little book, do not want.
Not even for fictional purposes, it mixes up traditions and hardly ever labels anything.

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6:24 pm
What do you do with dangerous spell books?
Not raising zombies dangerous or anything like that
well, they do have sections of 'love' spells and ones for 'making' friends visit you without any section on free will and why it's a bad idea to override it, or indeed anything about how it's all well and good making people love you but it's a right mess if you don't love them back,
but basically not intentionally dangerous spells

just books that don't warn you which bits are poisonous
or what the herbs for 'women's troubles' are actually meant to do and why not to touch them.

or this one I just read that said to tie your hands together with a ribbon and then 'singe' the ribbon with a candle to free yourself (from your troubles, of course). It didn't even suggest which sort of ribbon, there's no knowing how flammable some things are until you try it. ... it did also say to have a bucket of water handy just in case, but ffs, telling you to tie yourself up in the first place is very foolish given the average person's practice with knots, adding fire is just... I realise the author lives in a country with the NHS but they don't have to drum up business.

The parts where the one author mixed pantheons, spelled things wrong as compared to other texts, treated the monotheist gods with the same disregard as the polytheists, and didn't warn or even inform the reader, that's only dangerous if you believe in any of it. But if you don't believe in any of it then it's just a rip off to be selling the things.

There's a certain subset of 'spell' books that are mostly pretty illustrations and shiny covers, marketed mostly as gifts, and now I'm checking all my books for if I'm likely to ever use them again I'm accumulating a stack of them. And I don't feel right just sending them to charity shops, given the glaring gaps.

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11:08 am
Waking up super early with nightmare induced anxiety
turns out to not be much alleviated by
headlines about the antibiotic apocalypse

I mean, I knew, but
we are so screwed.

There are so many more things I can know about than do anything about.

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2016
6:38 pm
It is super unhelpful that I keep on basically getting panic attacks
because a web page turns out not to be there any more.
I mean, 90s archives and unused fansites are a loss, but not a surprising one.

Same thing happens when something of mine is busted
just horrible sinking feeling panic
which is really unhelpful when I could in fact fix it if I could get my head together long enough.

It's weird because spoken conversations are always ephemeral, you expect the past to be gone once it's done, but web pages vanishing somehow feels different even if it's basically still social interaction.

I want libraries of the future to know all about what we said about everything.

... it's super unlikely anyone will want to read it, but I want it to go on being there.

(I miss fanfic once it's gone, even if I haven't read it for a decade.)
(I have books I've owned way longer than that just sitting around, why do the web pages not last so long?)

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1:33 pm
It is cleaner day.
it is still not the usual cleaner.

why when you say the rule is 'do not cross the line in the hall' do people think the rule is anything other than 'do not cross the line in the hall'. I said the rule, the rule is still not followed.

Also I rather thought 'do not walk straight into the clean laundry thus rendering it not-clean' was a universal rule and went without saying, but noooooo.

On the plus side the new mattress has arrived and now the only thing between me and a good night's sleep is needing to get the bed base repaired. Progress!

On the minus side I did not need a delivery today so I don't have apple things to eat. Boo.

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Friday, May 13th, 2016
7:41 pm
Watched Prometheus.
Deleted Prometheus.

That was really incoherent drek.
It was neither tense nor scary. I watched it on fast forward, the pacing was so off, and I usually only have to do that with 70s TV. The actions of the humans were idiotic. They used the word quarantine but had no clue what it ought to mean. And the running away from the falling thing sequence was made of facepalm since she literally only needed to roll over twice to get away from it sideways.
Also it seemed to think it was saying something about parents, in the clunkiest way possible, but it really really wasn't.

How did that mess ever get funding?

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Thursday, May 12th, 2016
6:26 pm
Big Finish Audio: Doctor Who: 184: Scavenger
Hard science fiction with orbital mechanics and oxygen supplies key to how things work out when a bit of space junk turns out to be alien technology. But also a love story between an Indian Prince and a slave girl. And a politics story about how the British deal with India. Nicely layered.

There's plenty of women in the story, British and Indian, and they all do useful things sometimes and unhelpful things other times and make the story go.

I gave it 4/5 but honestly it lost a star because I don't like Flip much and 6 is my least favourite Doctor. But they've got proper running around saving things going on here.

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Wednesday, May 11th, 2016
7:11 pm
Doctor Who: The Sea Devils
Not bad for a navy recruitment campaign. Little bit thin if you're not interested in all the toys.
Read more...Collapse )

But the moral dilemma about the Silurians gains a grim twist when two sides are using them as ways to advance their own agenda. And they still all end up dead. :-(

There should always be a better way. But it never works on Doctor Who, because they don't want to change the world that visibly. And this is why we need Star Trek too.

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Monday, May 9th, 2016
7:53 pm
Successful Shopping
Went round Norwich with mum and bought a whole bunch of new clothes.
I had to go up a size. Or, depending on style, two.

... we had a conversation about family resemblances and how mum kind of expected I'd look like the taller thinner half of us, but noooooo...

That day was exhausting. And we were only out for five hours. Again.

These are things that happen when one does not leave the house.

But with any luck at all the leaving the house will get much easier very soon, so I shall try not to grump for long.

I am still allergic enough to the perfume-and-makeup section of department stores that I had to go stand outside instead.

BHS has some rather nice things in a really tatty shop with an escalator that zapped me and juddered a lot and a lift I'm not sure I would try again.

But Marks and Spencers has some good cushions and towels I might go back for if I still like them later.

Five hours doesn't go as far as one hopes though. That's like one shop and some vague wandering.

Pretty good day.

Headache now though.

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Sunday, May 8th, 2016
5:57 pm
Sunday worked
We went and had food, even though the sign was up to say no hots foods. The checkout person came over and said the sign was up early, so we could have breakfast, yaays.

There were a whole lot of buses of various eras in the carpark for the train station outside the cafe windows. Good view. Some were plenty old and one was a current bus. They kept going in and out with people in them. The open top bus was very successful.

We did the shopping but I needed few things this week. Which was good because they had few things, the drinks sections and the bread rolls like for picnics were demolished. Guess the food ordering having trouble keeping up with the weather.

Then we went home and watched Rocketeer. First my brother chose Star Wars The Force Awakens but I decided today I didn't want to see the sad bit, so we watched something happier.

So today worked on all points :-)

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Friday, May 6th, 2016
9:39 pm
The Fifth Season
Had other plans for today, but then I started reading The Fifth Season
Trigger warnings so far for Read more...Collapse )
That is a tough read. That is a very tough read.
It takes the question 'why don't the mages in this setting rule the world' and answers it really thoroughly, and it's bad for everyone.

It's a well written book but I'm feeling like I should have read more about it before I started reading it.

So now I'm going to keep reading it until it is finished, to see how things turn out.

ETA having finished it: That did not get nicer. With that setup it should not get nicer. It was quite a lot not nice.

I don't think I can have proper opinions on that book because it was not something I wanted to have read. It was not a fun reading experience, it was very tough. The world building was internally consistent and the characters made sense given the premise, but, that meant mostly it was bad sadness about slaves and I would like to read something quite different now instead.

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1:07 pm
Torchwood Heaven
Dreamed I was with Team Torchwood, minus Gwen, and they all thought I was great and part of the team etc
Clearly something was up
but I'm not Adam cause I'm not creepy
and also everyone seemed to be having a nice time and be happy and stuff
... so, yeah, something was up.

Turns out that in a 'verse with psychic monsters that feed on pain and fear and nightmares, somewhere that has a something that can be pulled out of people to feed on either eternally or for a really long time, there's a niche in the ecosystem for ones that feed on happiness.

Read more...Collapse )

Torchwood heaven.

A farm for making everyone Jack cares about as happy as possible for as long as possible, so a psychic parasite can eat it.

That seems to work.

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Thursday, May 5th, 2016
10:07 pm
Watched the first episode of The Magicians
Read more...Collapse )

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3:21 pm
New Hair
I have new hair again :-)
It is buzzed up to the temples and chin length from the top.
It isn't colors lately because I am getting some excellent silver streaks and I like being shiny.

I like the hairdresser cause he knows me by now and noticed when there were Many of people and I got jumpy and sent me to sit somewhere better. Also he sympathises pretty good when I say which stuff is quite difficult. Also and best he makes my hair look good, which seems like magic considering what it's like by the time I get around to going in again.

On the way home I got my magazine from the supermarket, so I'm set for the day.

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Wednesday, May 4th, 2016
7:15 pm
Went places nearly bought things
There was a lot of walking around to small amounts of result.

Mum helped put a new light shade up in the living room successfully. It's a nice one with ribbon, http://www.dunelm.com/product/spiro-ribbon-ball-pendant-1000044896 , and I wanted it as a nice centerpiece to replace the faded uplighter that has been there since 1998. But now the room is much more bright and the light acts differently, so that'll take some getting used to.

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