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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beccaelizabeth's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 17th, 2017
11:36 pm
It is half eleven at night. I went to sleep but it wore off already. And I dreamt that I ate a bunch of takeaway food in polystyrene shells, then turned the lights on and realised I'd ate some of the packaging too.

It was quite as tasty as everything else, because the flavour soaked in.

Now I feel weirdly full.

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Monday, January 16th, 2017
12:59 pm
Had a dream with one of those all singing and dancing mini apocalypses
but the demon was Weird Al Yankovic

He kept saying he was really more of a cherub
and trying to do cherub things
like make cherub face

except that... that was not working for him.

I also dreamt that all my DVDs had been relocated to on top of the light fixtures in my old school and I had to borrow a specific ladder to even try and get them down
and when I did they were like 80s movies of video games.

If you believe in intelligent design you believe in some kind of creator that sat down and decided brains should do exactly this.

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1:25 am
Lirael, by Garth Nix
Lirael is a bit of a frustrating book. Like, I can see it is a complete story, because Lirael starts out with a problem and ends up having more or less solved that initial problem, but the bits that get solved are all her personal growth. The actual outside her head problems all remain. It's frustrating.

Also both Lirael and Sameth, the point of view characters, are epically depressed at various points. Read more...Collapse )

So now all the problems are set up, and two teenagers are on hand to do anything about them, and I should to to sleep and leave them hanging between books.

And I don't want to, because from here it mostly seems like mentally ill children in danger. I think I may have left the age range where I can read them growing through trauma into heroism and not just want to yell at the olders who should still be looking after them. Even though I know very well that they're about as old as kids who can join the army in the here now; that don't exactly sit right these days neither.

So basically I like the library bits, but I mostly want to get these kids proper mental health care and get actual mature adults who know what they're doing in to help.

And I'm fed up of magic that runs in bloodlines, too, but that's a different argue and more about politics. Still, it's why responsibilities land with crushing weight on these young people, instead of being taken up by a university full of responsible adults, so, fed up of it.

... I should go write my own stories. People in their forties setting out to have adventures because they've got enough experience in they think they can probably handle them. ... granted no one on their first adventure straight away can handle them, but more mature people can fail in more interesting ways.

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Saturday, January 14th, 2017
6:06 pm
The Last Days on Mars
I started watching this, because the summary I saw wasn't clear enough it was horror on mars rather than sf, though it's usually horror on mars so I don't know why I didn't look it up.

Then it got as far as zombie with power tools kills someone, at which point the only thing left to learn was if it's the 'everybody dies' variety or the 'lone survivor' type.

Read more...Collapse )

I don't know, maybe the bits I skipped were more clever than expected, I just couldn't be bothered to spend an hour finding out once the zombie grabbed the drill. you know?


bored now.

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Friday, January 13th, 2017
11:18 pm
Time is sneaky and happens when you're not paying attention.
Which is my only explanation for where today went.

I did thinking about gendered clothing in a system where the default gender is person. Like, maybe it's subtle? Maybe mix and match is so normal that most of what we'd call gendered differences are just, you know, stuff? Maybe it's all down to where you wear your sporran. Or if you've got a belt knife or a chatelaine.

doing thinking is another way to not do writing though.
must get better at that.

Lirael turns out to start off with the main character waking up on her fourteenth. birthday and deciding to kill herself, which ... was a bit challenging to read. So I put it down for a while and went over Legends of Tomorrow plots and fixits in my head. Which ate a chunk of time. When I picked it up again I got as far as her being a Librarian now, so presumably it all gets better for her from here. Hope so. Books need better trigger warnings.

On the up side the back exercises the doctor said to do are getting into my routine pretty good, I think. I mean it's closer to alternate days than daily, but considering exercise and indeed movement is a bit new, doing pretty well. There's also lots more exercises to do on the nhs website, without needing weights or anything. So if I want to do more I can.

I do not think exercise will give me a chest like Captain America but it's nice to have goals. Honestly, he seems to have plenty enough boob for most days. Like, I can see how power girl worthy ones are fun at parties, but most of the time it would be more convenient to be Cap shaped.

First though, moving around on a regular basis, maybe sitting in the front room instead of in bed. If I remember to close the doors and wear the fluffy socks it can be very plenty warm in the front room. In this weather that's much nicer.

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Thursday, January 12th, 2017
8:20 pm
Why do people who enter an incorrect number at the front door
and it tells them they've entered an incorrect number
keep on typing it in and trying to rattle the door open?

Like do they think they'll get inside and the flat they're looking for will magically exist after all?

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7:55 pm
My story requires two countries either side of a mountain range to get completely cut off from each other because someone magic-nukes the mountains

but I have no grasp of geography or scale

I'm British

I'm just imagining, like, the Lake District, maybe a bit of Scotland
but then you could just take a little boat? around the edges? like going around always works?

but presumably there are places going around doesn't work
because continents
like setting off for China the other direction.

And it's not like the little map in the front of all fantasy books ever makes sense anyway
I can just go lalala impassible mountains ONWARDS!


i still can't really imagine a land mass you can't go end to end of on the slow train in a day.

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7:07 pm
biscuits are bad
because any given biscuit is hardly a mouthful
but then you've ate enough to be Very Full
not of actual useful food, so the full wears off
and then
there are still more biscuits

... they taste sogood...

... I must not buy any more.

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6:13 pm
I cancelled the evening's travel, because the forecast kept changing a little but was only trying to decide if sleet or snow, and how late it would be when all that froze on the ground. Nasty. But in here I am warm, which is excellent.

Sabriel was quite good, though once again I fail to understand how one view of a guy naked and a couple weeks at most travelling and fighting together adds up to actual love. I mean you can figure out he's a pretty good prospect, but it still don't seem to add up, to me. All the adventure bits were good though, and the resolution both fair and unexpected.

I shall read the other two I have and then see if there's more.

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2:01 pm
Today there is still a Snow warning and an Ice warning and later a Wind warning, which makes it very good weather for Not Going Anywhere, as far as I can tell.

We should have long winter holidays for staying inside in the warm. Much simpler.
... yes I know I have permanent holiday. I just know lots of other people are outside in the weather.

So yesterday I hatched a cunning plan to get my shopping delivered, which doesn't solve the juice problem but fixes all the other foods.

Trouble was it backfired a bit, because my credit card decided the supermarket were secretly pulling a fast one and phoned me at 0800 to warn me about the fraud. So then the supermarket phoned at a bit past nine to tell me my card was declined, but then it worked when they ran it again, so hopefully that's sorted. And then the delivery dude phoned to say he was early, which was fine, but I do wonder sometimes why they give you a one hour timeslot when half an hour early can happen.

But now I have food and apple pastries and I ate the nice foods for lunch.

So either the weather will be frightful and I'll stay home but have plenty of foods
or it'll be surprise okay and I'll get to go to dancing lessons and then have apple pastries for a second time.

But also today there were people who asked if I wanted a copy of the Watchtower, and then corrected themselves cause the one they had wasn't called that any more.

And there's an email that my Amazon order is out for delivery, so I probably shouldn't just go back to bed.

I feel that is maximum phones. Maximum. For one day.

And yet I fully expect at least one more phone call to say yea or nay on the transport this evening.

Eh, I'm dry, I'm warm, I have choices for supper, it's all good really.

And I'm reading Sabriel, which I haven't read in long enough I can't remember it, and it is pretty okay.
... I keep getting distracted by my own plot bunnies. which is kind of cool though, at least they remain interesting to me.

shall see how the day goes.

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Wednesday, January 11th, 2017
5:15 pm
Something blinky and buzzy is happening to the power in here. Bit not good.

I have been typing Many Words, but it isn't story all in a row, because I wanted to calculate someone's age and that meant figuring out the whole entire political system and if his wife is in fact royalty, or if they even have royalty.

I'm not sure if there's a Queen as such, but I've decided that whoever leads, they're chosen by the Wise from among the Worthy, so it isn't as simple as primogeniture, even the matrilineal kind. So I don't have to decide if Morgan is in fact a princess, I just know that she's doing something grand enough that if it works it'll be a major factor in deciding if she's Worthy, or even Wise.

... I did not know I needed to know this about Morgan, but I'd given the endeavour a large bit of land in a city, and then made it complicated to even hold land, let alone a large bit in a city.

It's all boring fiddly bits right now but it'll make Morgan much more interesting when she turns up again. ... she's Sleeping Beauty, Druid Edition, right now. Probably at one with a tree somewhere, or being a rock, or something.

Imagine a society where you need property and inheritance law that can account for the fact that sometimes your nobles just end up in a time out, being a tree.

That seems like quite a difficult thing to account for.

But in practice I guess it's like someone going abroad and losing contact for years. Like, you could assume they're dead, but if they turn up again you have to be able to unassume it.

... sometimes I sit down to write a romance with wizards and end up wondering if I should study existing law.


I wrote many words but not strictly speaking of story.

Shall do better later.

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11:35 am
The whole thing where the year is not a tidy fixed length made of easy to divide numbers and the lunar cycle doesn't slot into it like cogs seems to really wind some people up.
Like, really.
Like, I just looked at the wiki page about calendars, and wow, do they ever have a Bunch of Opinions.

It's kind of hilarious in worldbuilding too how many people looked at the solar and lunar year and just thought fuck it, I'm trimming this.
Topiary years.

I mean I get it, I'm vaguely inventing a religious calendar that considers both solar and lunar events significant and would really be simplified if I just made them match up
but it's just so hilariously human to have humans invent math and calendars and try to tame time and then just have to get together every few years to swear a lot and try again.

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Tuesday, January 10th, 2017
9:18 pm
It is really awkward sometimes fancying women
because there is so much media - so much - that conflates
'posed attractively' and 'awkward, vulnerable, face somewhere between doesn't want to be here and dead eyed checked out gone'

I mean there's a lot of pretty women in the world
(so many, so awesome)
but sometimes I feel like I'm somehow adding to background slime levels by even noticing.

Which possibly has a lot to do with why most of my favourite pictures have women wearing 'men's' clothes and/or carrying weapons
or looking at you like they're going to murder you and you're going to like it
... which really ought to be kind of a weird niche interest.

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7:59 pm
Today has been a bit not awesome. I got the cleaner day basics done, but haven't done vacuum cleaner, again. because headache, so I've pretty much been curled up in bed hoping the neighbours and their tv and their plumbing could be less loud.

also looking on rightmove for bungalows, because a girl can dream.
... that particular dream costs £315,000 at the moment, unless I want to be so far out of town I'd have trouble getting buses in the evening, let alone figuring out how to navigate.
but I don't need to worry about that part because it's all ridiculously impossible anyway.

I would like a path along which I can achieve my small and practical dreams.
Like, people can get a job and save up moneys and get a nice place to live in a nice area, in theory.
I would like that sort of hypothetical construct, more plausible than the ones that include winning on the premium bonds, that I myself can get to from here.

because that would be nice.

I suppose if I actually write a thing it could in theory make a money, but honestly, that almost never happens.
still. write a thing seems mostly possible from here.


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Monday, January 9th, 2017
7:25 pm
Today a whole bunch of worldbuilding choices I'd picked because they seemed shiny at the time
came together to explain my what my characters are even doing, and why it's essential to their world.

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2:06 pm
watched RIPD
kinda wish I hadn't
which I knew from about ten minutes in so I don't know why I bothered.

That was mostly blah
with a side order of something that smells like ablism in the 'monsters only we can see' subgenre features

and they didn't really establish what was wrong with the dead sticking around, except by making stuff break around them. like, that seems like a tragedy to bear, not an actual morally wrong choice on their part.
and they didn't make the choice to stay around as RIPD seem entirely distinct.

also i did not find it funny
and it thought it was really funny
plus i could see where the visuals were expensive but not where they were interesting.


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12:10 pm
I really like Mondays
I mean the only task officially on the list for today is Contact People, and I haaaaaaate that, but
I get bazillions of things done, like today I've run the laundry and the dishwasher and done some shoppings and computer maintenance and checked emails and done my back exercises

being avoidy is so motivating

so I really like how much I get done on Mondays

... and, okay, there's at least two phone calls I could usefully be making right now, and an email to send, or two, but I'm sure I'll get to all that later...

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11:27 am
I subscribed to the same SF magazine dad always used to
and it feels just as weird as I always thought
like he's more gone and more here at once.

hopefully I will still like it.

I am trying a couple of others too.
good reading shall arrive through my door.

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Sunday, January 8th, 2017
7:37 pm
making it easier on readers
I have read a few times a post going round tumblr basically begging for more feedback from readers
and that is very reasonable
except my attempts to do such a thing lead to panic attacks and woe spirals
but probably there ar a lot of readers who are not mentally ill

But, writers: sometimes, you do not make it easy.
I have no idea how to interact on tumblr
so mostly I'm following tags on Ao3
(anyone who does not tag: what are you doing how do you expect anyone to know you wrote that thing zomg some writers so frustrate)

the first hit on a multipart story is just me pushing Mark for Later.
Then I will hang out checking my 31 page Marked for Later list to see if you update.
If it goes a year with no updates then I'm very probably umarking it unread. which may be another hit. depends which button I use.

some fics? are not actually a single multipart story. some fics are what that writer does with any short story they write.

writers, I am begging you, do not do this.

one, the tagging is a nightmare. the story either has all the tags or none. it is every AU, it is canon, it is every obscure thing... or they don't bother to tag anything and Choose Not To Warn. the odds of it hitting one of my squicks just in the tags go up exponentially with each part. and how can you decide if you want to read the thing? it's a weird looking frankenthing.

and it is *never finished*

those of us waiting see this weird random update schedule and no end to the tags and never dive in.

and last but most relevant to current discussion, we can only kudos it the once.

could we comment on every chapter? sure. but you know fewer of us are gonna.

and if we do kudos it, it will sit there as a kudos for the whole endless saga.
do we want to kudos every part of it? unlikely. the high school au tentacle porn may have a much smaller audience than you generally get. some of them will be embarrassed to leave their username on it. or maybe they're into tentacles but not the mpreg curtainfic. you don't know. you can't find out. for all feedback is sitting there attached to all stories, and if they're waiting until the end to write it, that's a whole lot of random to comment upon.

Just post the fics. I don't care if they're short. we can see the wordcount right there. if it's a tumblr prompt fill you can tag it as such. if it's not betaed you can tag it as such. tell us what they are and give us choices and see how many turn up for each. it's perfectly reasonable. I have actual drabbles posted separately. drabbles. one hundred words precisely. and some of them I think have kudos. which is rare anyway on my ancient fic.

but I can't return the favour on some writers works because they've got a 120K epic unfinished with the world's weirdest tags, and it's a lot of commitment to dive into that even long enough to figure out it's their grab bag.

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4:07 pm
Sunday shopping worked for the first time in aaaaages
but brother did not want to watch a movie, so I feel like it only half worked.

I don't need many foods from there if I'm not eating brownie bites and I have regular shopping elsewhere.
amaybe we need a different sunday routine.

but I like when I can feed people, even if all the cooking is done by the store
and it's not exactly awesome eats.

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