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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in beccaelizabeth's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, October 1st, 2016
9:46 pm
so far fanfic featuring Barry Allen makes me feel oooooooold.
like, just the way he talks about stuff, or uses his phone, or the baseline assumptions
or how said fic keeps on describing Mick and Len as older, rather than him as younger


when did i get to be the grown up and why isnt it more exciting

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4:10 pm
It's annoying to feel two things at the same time
like, I know Torchwood belongs to the BBC and when we do transcripts we're all nicking from source and should therefore beware glass houses
I just found my Torchwood transcripts, somewhat mangled due to stripped formatting and punctuation, on a transcript site that never asked, and that has a Copyright bit on every page saying they worked very hard on these and link and attribute
but without links or thanks to me
so now I'm kind of steaming.
even though it is not mine in the main words. I did a lot of names and describings to augment the subtitle files, those bits they copied also, those bits I'm kind of annoyed about.
Mostly I think because they have a Copyright policy linked on every page and it says to only copy small bits, and look, they copied all the bits.

but I don't care enough to do anything about it

so why am I mad at all?


I'm letting it go. It's daft. Letting. It. Go.

I also incidentally found another site that actually *did* do their own Transcripts, of Torchwood and many others, and didn't leave off when I did, so I can go read what all else happened after I stopped watching. If I feel like it. Which currently no.
Chakoteya.net seems to have lots, haven't poked around much.

Using this new computer to do typing is sodding annoying. It keeps leaping around the screen. Sometimes I discover I accidentally leant on the touchpad bit, most times I can't see what all it's fussing about... like right then, where it acted like I'd tapped and I'm pretty sure not. It's also not especially responsive in the typing, missing letters and all. This is not optimal. I paid a money and am dissatisfied with the result. But it was a cheap money so *shrugs* Reckon it wants to be a touchscreen. Also it wants to work different than all the previous computers. Whyyyyyy do they keep on doing that? I mean, okay, new things for new users, but why is there not an Old Fogey With Habits button to make it pretend for us? Well there near enough is if you keep refusing its offers to do tablet mode, but then you have to try and tap really small things to make them work, so, er, that would be why it has new modes anyway. Whiney whiney why thining why. :eyeroll:

Probaby I could plug my old keyboard in and just have a really (jumped out again, for why, where half my letters going, ugh) really tiny wobbly screen for no reason.

Why people going touchpad anyway? Typing works, all this screen tapping just sub optimal.

grump grump growl.

Okays, I shall watch some more TV, maybe eat a food.
My exciting life.

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11:25 am
Len and Mick
So I've been thinking about Captain Cold and Heatwave and why they seem to have ate all my brainspace (other than I have a predictable thing for the villain who saves the world)
and then I think, it's not really 'other than'.
the thing is
Initially I wasn't interested in the 'ship. Like, I noticed early on that I appeared to be crushing on Captain Cold (wtf whyyyy etc), and I concluded early on that Len and Mick were together, but it didn't eat my brain and insist on being fed with fic until Legends of Tomorrow.
because that changed them.

Most human connections are pretty basically 'You're a human? I'm a human! Let's human together!'

But the villain side, or the morally ambiguous anti hero, they look at each other and it's
'You're a monster? I'm a monster! Let's monster together!'
Which, you know, romantic from some angles, but if they actually mean monster then there's that small problem where they find it on occasion as difficult to look at each other as it is to look in the mirror.
I mean, if they're going to celebrate each other's difference, then that's one thing, but if the ways they fit are all the things they think are wrong with themselves... the initial burst of comfort that they're not alone is going to wear thin.

And that's what Len and Mick do when we first see them. Read more...Collapse )


Now it can be Mick's turn to make a counter offer.

You're the best guy I ever knew. You may not think you're a hero, but you're a hero to me.

That shouldn't be the final word on them. That should be their future.

... and of course, if canon doesn't give us that, we know what to do. But there remains a slim but shiny chance it could.

I wanted to write a longer version of this with quotes and transcripts and screencaps, but basically, this is why they're so shiny. Who they start as isn't who they're stuck as, and what they do to and for and with each other is super drama but either ends well (if you're one to accept endings) or has potential to go better places.

I'm still frustrate that there's no kissing, but you know, TV.

I'm just drawn in by the thing where they see each other's monster and then see how it doesn't define or limit them, or can be turned and aimed right, or isn't monster at all.
Not so much a redemption arc as a renegotiation of terms.

So now I just need to find other fans who think this is their shiny.
Judging by who is writing the fanfic I know some of them already but they're not where I can see them on LJ or DW any more.
And tumblr is an awful format for meta.

eh, I'm motivated, I'll try...

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1:42 am
I did a transcript for Flash episode Going Rogue
used WordPad because the new tablet doesn't have much
and now I try to paste it into Dreamwidth it loses all the formatting, which for a script ish thing is a lot of data

is it because WordPad? Dreamwidth? Me not using the right buttons?

is going to be frustrating if I have to do all that again.

I should leave it until morning and read through for typos anyway

but that took aaaages.

is interesting though, they do stuff with light to make sure we don't get Captain Cold's reactions, and how he is in the last scene with Mick is actually different than the episode before it, not just ship goggles different but different body language and eye contact. he's had goggles much of the episode but he usually looks at things steady, and Mick he can't seem to keep looking at, even if the corner he looks at instead has nothing in.

yes, I'm up to the 'overanalysing fifteen seconds of episode' stage of my fannishness

what is my brain

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Friday, September 30th, 2016
6:43 pm
whoever is singing in the garage under my bed clearly has a perfect right to do so and in general i wish them well
they are so bad
i mean
so so bad.
just... slurring and blurry and never finishing a song.
it gets so irritating when they never finish a song
like, learn the words
or pick another bed to sing under

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9:13 am
Today's big plan for an Expedition is cancelled because minimum amounts of sleep have not been achieved and I won't feel any better than I did yesterday.

... I'm actually mostly relieved. Turns out I was as usual looking forward to having done the thing, not the actual doing.

... I feel like Bad Boss though. Ugh.

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Thursday, September 29th, 2016
9:41 pm
today did not work very well
got a grand total of four hours sleep. starting at about 0900.

went to dancing anyways.
felt nausea and got dizzy in the spinny parts and had to have a sit down a bunch.

went to shoppings.
juice shop no has my juice, apple lattice shop no has my apple pastries.

now I am home.

so on the plus side nothing big bad happened, but on the minus side the good things did not work.

also if I feel like this tomorrow it is not much point trying to have an Expedition. So we get to find out in the morning if any sleep has been achieved or if I still feel ill. and I can cancel if I feel unwell. but I don't want to. because I want to feel well enough to be excited about going to the museum like I planned for months.


but now I'm home, so that part is working fiiiiiine.

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2016
6:28 pm
did a load of laundry. or re-did, cause it was in and I can't remember how long for.
washer dryer making Noises and possibly Smells
have turned it off at the wall.

this will interrupt laundry routine until repair or replacement can be arranged.

I tried to replace it once already but everything has gone beepy and confusing. I just want one where I press the button to start it and it does the laundry and dries it. why so difficult?

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2016
11:56 pm
Have been doing a transcript for The Flash
Is difficult to transcribe fight scenes without noticing it's basically one guy walking ominously while everyone else runs yet fails to catch up. I mean, he's not a speedster, he's just, you know, a guy, walking. Once you notice that the tension is kind of blown.
Snart gets the full ominous villain treatment with the shadows and silhouettes and the swish coat and mostly wearing the goggles instead of having feelings. We don't know how he responds to freezing that one guy because we just get super extra closeup on the goggles.

writing this down takes ridiculous amounts of minutes.

It's season one, years old, I figured someone would have done transcripts already, but the only ones I could find are just all the spoken words, not even saying who said them or nothing.
So I'm sitting here with the intention of doing the Rogues episodes, and remembering how long this flipping takes. Possibly only one then.

My tablet computer doesn't get along with habitica at all, which is confusing, since it's the same page in the same browser as works fine on this computer. difference in windows version?

I don't know what I should give myself points for with the transcripts. Like, it's not Write 1000 words, but it's a whole bunch of time and writing, so I keep figuring near enough, except then I don't actually write.

At this rate I shall be writing detailed meta about Captain Cold real soon now though.

... yeah, that's... that's taking some adjustment...

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9:47 pm
unfortunate food
quorn tikka masala is not good to eat
tastes of nothing much, makes everything colors, makes me feel ill
and i didn't even finish it.

today i pretty much did cleaner day, more or less, and... had sleep cycle fail? yeah that was all really. not impressive.

i just watched the start of aome movie with frankensteins monster and gargoyles and it was just so completely bad that after the first ten minutes i was staring in plain bafflement. how did this get made? why is it the film four nine pm movie? did no one at any point realise that story traditionally involves plot and characters? how did anyone think it made sense to have an aeons old war between demons and gargoyles where demons could just walk in to holy ground and kill everyone in a night? how would that last any time in the first place?

so now of course i'm plotting a far superior version.
it involves golems of both flesh and stone varieties and probably the rise of AI and how differently a modern would see golem rights after Star Trek, just to make the time skip to the modern era make any kind of thematic or visual sense at all.

... mutter grumble grump...

in other news i have read all the fanfic and no one seems to see the characters quite as i do.

also thping on this tablet is too annoying, yet i don't spare the seconds to plug it into its keyboard.

sense, i makes it :eyeroll:

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Sunday, September 25th, 2016
7:31 pm
Today was cancelled on account of I maybe might have a cold.
As in I used up most of the tissues last night, I'm coughing a bit, and I feel all flat to the point I got an extra afternoon's sleep in.
But I cannot have a cold this week. This is the week there's an Expedition planned that I have been planning for literal months. Rearranging all the people so the Expedition is possible takes aaages, and budgets need sorted, and besides it's only Expedition season for a few weeks between Too Many Children and Too Much Cold/Rain.

... huh, Cold/Rayne, now there's an image...

I have read all the fanfic above a couple thousand words. Or possibly above a thousand words even. And most of it is episode responses that are no longer relevant by the end of the season.

Also, why do people be fans of bad guys and then make them all cuddly and, you know, not bad?
I mean these two beat the crap out of each other in canon and on screen, and say it isn't the first time, so why is so much fic all made of food and snuggles?
... actually that answers itself, but, you know what I mean.

I feel about much of this fic rather the same way I did when fic about Giles had him gain a sudden interest in bodybuilding and cut his hair and somehow look younger. Or just straight up youth him. Older is the point, antagonistic is the point, why are all the edges smoothed off without even the work going in?

... actually I'm just cranky today cause my nose aches and the plans for the week seem likely to be messed up and now I've run out of reading and must return to my regular Marked to Read list which is full of pairings now relegated to second place in my obsessions list.

It's frustrating though, reading fic and it all being domestic snuggly stuff, when canon leaves so many meaty philosophical issues. I mean, dating anyone involved with SHIELD (in some eras) or the Arrowverse means dating people who are putting people in prison with no records and no possibility of parole. Ignoring that because they're cute is kind of a problem.

Frustrating also that Steve/Tony fic seems to have ground to a halt, partly because Bucky, but quite a lot because how depressing is where they were left? And putting the work in to make them work as a couple means fixing their universe and coming up with workable legal compromises. Or, you know, ignoring everything. But the needs work must fix is why they were interesting in the first place. Instead all is AUs or threesomes and *sigh*

I mean a lot of that is we don't want what canon is serving, but, *sigh*

Is nobody else into fanfic for the philosophy?

I should eat a food and go do something other than whine.

But hey, I have found a new set of canon which makes me want to read all the fic and whine!

... new to me. The other other thing about reading through all of it is finding this whole fandom chatting amongst themselves who were getting the episodes as they aired (and feeling left out). Only getting them once they're on DVD is going to be a bugger even if I only follow fic.

Eh, I'm going to grab something and go back to bed, this feeling blah is annoying.

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Thursday, September 22nd, 2016
9:38 pm
went to dancings
did a shoppings
ASDA click and collect drive through functioned correctly, but Sainsburys shopping at this time of night is not so much useful, things have been ate that I wanted.

feeling kind of flat. It's a better flat than there was before dancing and shopping was achieved, but still, flat. I think its because if this routine keeps up I have fixed things that I know how to fix, but life is still sort of ... needing fixing. somehow. if I can think of a way.

like, dancing is nice, but it's not world changing or anything.
and I still need to figure out What To Do Next For The Rest Of My Life.
which is a lot of figuring.

still, routine is very nearly established as planned.

and next week's plan for an Expedition to the British Museum is in place too.

so this week achieved and next week looking good.

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5:12 pm
Flash season 2
Just got all the way to the end of Flash season 2.
... I can tell where my fannish attention is focused, I immediately started figuring out how this would effect Mick and Len...

Read more...Collapse )

So I saw a whole season of Flash and basically wondered what it would do to the Rogues and how I could use it to sort out the end of season 1 of Legends.

Pretty clear which show I'm actively fannish about.

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Wednesday, September 21st, 2016
11:18 pm
Science Fiction Group
I win at Be Social.
Went to the pub. Four whole people were there that I wasn't employing. We talked.
actual out loud conversation with humans. winning.

the more of my regular life I'm getting back in place the more I remember I wasn't actually content with what I had when it was working
but that's a whole separate problem.

talked about SF.

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5:22 pm
today kind of didn't happen
like, I woke up and was Brave and went to get my blood taken all on my own and didn't faint
so that was sufficient task for one day
but then I went back to bed
so then it was now.

I can now check tumblr from my tablet computer in bed though, so I didn't sleep, like, 100% of the time. or any useful percent really. just kept dozing off enough to tangle myself in pretzel shapes or curl up in a really small ball and then wake myself up with the discomfort.

did dream of being driven in a getaway car by (DC Legends) Mick & Len. Who had carjacked Mark Hamill on accident. And then we were dodging sheep. Bantha sized sheep. and then when we finally parked Len propositioned me but involving that one really specific kink I'd never thought about before so, mostly blinky in response. So that was... *blinks*

things I could usefully have done today involved getting together quiz questions for the pub tonight.
not that I'm enthusiastic about either the pub or the sci fi quiz.
but I'm going, because I only get so many opportunities to talk to humans at all.

so. shall go eat and get ready to go.

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Sunday, September 18th, 2016
3:43 pm
semi successful shopping
we had a breakfast and did a shoppings.
I didn't double check the order and the breakfast had only one egg, which is half the eggs it should have.
the ribena tasted funny.
we did a shoppings and I started to not feel very well.
so I have the essentials but I'm not watching a movie with my brother because I'm going to have a lie down and feel hot cold blergh.

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Saturday, September 17th, 2016
8:20 pm
Flash, Legends, and Captain Cold
Am on season 2 disc 2 of The Flash
and the subtitles for the deleted scene from episode... 5? The first one on the disc. The subs are completely unrelated. Actually might be from season 1. so, you know, slight error.
so I'm writing this here and vaguely wondering where one would report a slight error of subtitle.

In other news, I have it bad for Captain freaking Cold. I keep on not paying attention because it is not a Captain Cold episode. FFS self, whyyyyyy... you know, aside from being the morally ambiguous criminal one with the twisty plans and deep yet conflicted history with someone who is clearly his other half yet canon refuses to acknowledge it, and the whole opposite sides of a line Thing he has with Barry that I suspect I would ship a lot if I could perceive Barry as anything other than Too Young.

... yeah, if I'd done any research, I could have predicted this.


Read more...Collapse )

And that turned into a big ramble about legends even though I'm between two episodes of Flash.
Clearly this show has my attention.
... if I look up which episodes have Cold in them I'm going to be tempted to skip, and that won't help at all.
... *sigh*
*looks up*
... only one more episode. boo.
... but the actor thinks the character is pansexual, so, there's that...

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Thursday, September 15th, 2016
9:43 pm
I went dancing again and didn't crash into anyone and only mildly hurt myself!
... okay, so, it was not optimal today.
The teacher decided the hall was Far Too Hot, and she indeed had a point, but that meant trying to teach us outside. Nice smooth dancing floor is MUCH better than trying to dance on two different textures of asphalt and concrete. it kept trying to grab my feet, and one time I found a twig with my foot, and it was Not Good. I only a little hurt my knee but I am displeased at the conditions that led to it. Also it got dark and it's stupid trying to dance in the dark when you're trying to see the teacher and the floor isn't smooth.
So I got grumpy, and then I was grumpy I was grumpy, because dancing isn't supposed to make me grumpy, so then there was a grumpiness spiral.
But it wore off on the way home, so now I'm feeling :-) again.

Also I might at some point learn this dance? It's quite difficult being new when the dance isn't, but I might at least get the hands part.

Then we went to ASDA for my juice, but it turns out that someone else bought it. The guy we asked was chatty and informative about why there was not juice. His beep machine said that it only sells one or two a day usually, but then someone bought a whole case today. Usually that's me. So maybe there's someone else annoyed that I keep buying their juice?
I think I shall try to Click and Collect it next week. If we're going a regular schedule I can try that.

But I found a Captain Marvel figure in the toys section :-) Actually my employee found there was a girl looking one while I was still checking the shelves higher up for any female character at all at all. None except Captain Marvel, but three of her, so I have one now.

Sainsburys was better, though they didn't have my apple lattice pastries either. Which is better for my waistline, but not smile making. They did have excellent new shirts so I have a shirt of many colors for autumn now. I wanted trousers, because it will soon not be summer trouser weather, but did not find any today. I did find both seasons of The Flash that I wanted, season 2 of the current one and the set of the 90s one. So I have many things to watch.

And I can do all this again next week. Freedom is grand.

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4:09 pm
Finished watching Arrow.
The only feel Arrow gives me anymore is anger when it screws things up in unexpected ways.
I'm bored with their idea of how relationships work, romantic and familial. I'm bored of where they get their drama from. And I'm bored of the grimdark world where the good thing is never the thing that works.
Also? Under the rules of magic they'd just explained? The ending purely shouldn't have worked at all.
To all of it.

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Tuesday, September 13th, 2016
3:37 pm
ugh, Arrow, so predictable
I hate it when it gets to 37 minutes and things seem happy and resolved.
I mean, even without specific spoilers, you know the next couple of minutes are going to be a bit not good.

Also the crossover episodes are weird. they don't really fit together tonally or in habits of what goes in an episode. it's like watching another show for a couple episodes and then back again.

All this setup for Legends of Tomorrow ... well the show was better than the setup.
maybe watching it in backwards order is unhelpful?
but that's the order the DVD sets came out in!

my actual real world has worked today. yesterday I got three loads of laundry done so there's only the awkward bathrobe that breaks the machine unless washed alone that is left to do. and cleaner day has happened successfully.

still haven't done the vacuum cleaning. surprise.

I miss getting apple lattice pastries delivered on Tuesdays. Now I go out to get the shopping in an actual shop then my rewards do not arrive on the same day as the work. It seems to be impacting my motivation.

which was not high in the first place.

and the minimum order means I can't just send out for apple pastries unless I can think of another £40 of stuff to go with them.

eh, I'll live.

I'm really meh about TV shows when all the feels they want you to have are bad feels. I mean, if they're made of Oh No, it's really monotonous. Boooooooring.

... I may take a break before watching disc three of this set.

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